I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
