i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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