Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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