i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
