I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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