She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
