The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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