remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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