i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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