tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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