The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
