I just cut my nipple shaving
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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