fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
