The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
