you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
