I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
