ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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