I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
