i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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