Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize