Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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