You're my little dorito
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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