Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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