he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
