glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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