I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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