i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
