You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
