You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
