She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
