i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize