Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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