That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
did i walk over a car last night?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
