I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
