Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
