I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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