Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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