I met the friendliest cop last night
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
