i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
