I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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