Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
