I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
