just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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