Jerry, you need to find god
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
it glows. i had to have it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
