Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
