what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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