I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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