Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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