If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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