Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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