So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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