rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
