Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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