he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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