I'm gonna have a badass scar
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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