you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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