Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
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i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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