I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
