I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wanna passion pit in your ass
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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