I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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