so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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