i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
