Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
